Have you ever looked out the window and felt truly ALIVE? I'm having one of those days right now, in fact this is the second day in a row I've had this particular feeling. The sun is shining, there are no clouds that I can see, and I turned off my furnace yesterday and it STILL is off (those big windows are really good at heating this house when its this time of year, overnight it only got down to 65 in here except the bedrooms where we had the electic heaters running) The kids are happier, things are blooming, and allergies are flaring big time. So why do I feel so peaceful and great today? Well, its an interesting story..................
Two days ago I e-mailed a friend of mine. See, this week is K registration at the public schools, and I haven't gone to register Lydia since we are planning on homeschooling in the fall (including bringing Melissa back home) Well, I've had so many doubts about my ability to just do this, I was considering going up to register her for this fall. So anyway, I e-mailed her to get a little boost that I can do this, and then I went to read the Homeschool Share forums. My friend posts over there, and I read a post about how she'd prayed about next school year and how she felt led to doing something completely different for the upcoming year instead of creating her own unit studies and lapbooking them. It made me stop and think a moment, and I realized that I hadn't PRAYED about this fall at all really. So I stopped right then and prayed, at 5:30 or something in the morning. I asked God what His plan was for their education at this point, and I asked him to give me total peace about whatever decision is the right one and to help me remain convicted and strong in the decision, no matter what it may be. Well, the rest of that day I started feeling calmer, and then yesterday morning I felt this odd peace as I read stuff on the homeschool forums I go to and I filled my shopping cart at amazon and Sonlight with the last couple things I need for the school year so that when its time I can just order it without thinking. I haven't felt this confident and peaceful about a decision in a long time, except for the decision that Scott and I made to not have any more children right now. It is a very refreshing feeling.
I know part of this feeling is because I know God wants us to do this, and part of it is because we have me on meds that work. I'm no longer in *constant* pain (although I have pleanty of that still but it is liveable), I don't get the cycles of depressions and angry periods, I can sleep at night, and I'm actually feeling like there is a reason to get out of bed and try to shower and get dressed every day. It is truly amazing, I've been slowly handing more over to His control and I'm seeing the benefits of it in many MANY areas of my life. Its not just the homeschooling part, His fingerprints are in all areas of my life right now. I am so happy right now to have this ability to put my trust and life in His hands, and know that I will be taken care of and led the right way. In fact, on Wednesday when I was doubting myself so much, I told myself that I just need to FROG more. (if you don't know, FROG is "fully rely on God" and its something I was taught as a kid and that silly saying still follws me as an adult) I am starting to really see the fruits of that FROGing, and I wish I had done it sooner.
OK so I went waaaaaay off on a tangent here today. But I really felt like I needed to post this, so I did. And now I will leave you to chew on my post, if you so desire.
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