I've been thinking about this one a lot the last few days, and decided it was time to put exactly why we chose this route in one post instead of giving hints about it in many posts like I have been up until now. It is a very long story, so please have patience with me as I have 4 children to keep up with and have severe ADHD and the meds that I take make me functional but aren't really enough to keep me fully in check so this could be hard to follow and slightly random.
First I need to give a little background on educational histories for myself and my husband. Scott went to the same public school his entire career, starting at the preschool that everyone sent their children to in town at 4 and moving through the local public school to graduation. He was held back in 3rd grade because of maturity, he has an August birthday and was one of the youngest kids in his class before repeating 3rd grade. That repeat year was a good thing for him, and he went from struggling and acting out in class to getting good grades and being a good kid in class.
My school experience is completely different. I started out with private school for preschool at 3 years old and went through K there. In 1st grade I moved to the local public school and did well. I was reading with comprehension at a high school level, and capable of doing 6th grade math easily. The school bored me, but I did the best I could to jump their hoops. I moved before second grade to a new city, then mid-year again to a new city, only to end up back in the first new city for third grade. Yes, in grades 1-3 I was the new kids 4 different times in 3 different schools. Third grade was when I started having trouble in school. My grandmother had custody of me, and was abusive on top of it, and there was another new kid at my school that year. He moved there from New York City, I think his name was Chad or something like that. He wore a leather jacket and was one of those "bad boy" looking kids. The first day of school, he sized me up and decided that he was going to take me down a few pegs. See, despite my moving out of the school mid-year in 2nd grade and then back again for 3rd, I was one of the popular kids. I started out as one of the popular kids in 2nd grade, everyone wanted to hang out with me and I just had that personality that drew others to me. I was super smart, but acted like a normal kid at the same time, so nobody thought of me as that geeky kid. The other kids would ask me for homework help sometimes, but mainly they wanted to hang out with me and be my friend. I was the one to know, and I didn't take it for granted. I thought it was kind of cool to have so many people like me, and I used that to keep my standards high for my grades and actions even back then. I was one who wanted to set an example for others, and nobody was excluded because they dressed funny, didn't talk like the rest of us, or anything like that. Third grade started the same way for me, until that new kid decided he didn't like me. He started teasing me, telling me I was ugly and fat and dumb. I would ignore it, but soon enough he got everyone else in on it. When I got good grades, they canged it from saying I was dumb to teasing me for being so smart and calling me "teacher's pet." After a few months of nobody at school doing anything (I made sure to tell my teachers, the principal, my grandmother, anyone who would listen) I fought back. My grades dropped, I spent a lot of time in trouble for yelling in class (usually something obscene), and was suspended several times. In 5th grade, the principal sentenced me to Saturday school every week for the school year because I was such a disruption. The torment got worse over time too. The school did nothing, my grandmother did nothing but tell me to ignore it. She used to tell me "every time they start talking and saying nasty things, just pretend you have an eraser and erase their mouths, and if that doesn't stop it erase their entire body from your mind, pretend they aren't even there." I got straight F's in 5th grade despite being as smart as I was. I was in the gifted program in 3rd and 4th grade, until I asked to leave it because the kids there were harrassing me as well. I quit trying, and just shut down. For me, school was an escape from the abuse I endured at home, but at the same time I dreaded it because I was tormented there as well. I couldn't escape the torment and abuse, and in sixth grade I snapped and tried to swallow an entire bottle of buffered aspirin. After getting my stomach pumped and all the physical damage from it repaired, I started extensive therapy to try and repair the damage that had been done to me in public school. I also was moved to a private school an hour from home. There were only 5 kids in my classes at any given time when I was in that school. I was able to work completely at my pace in this school, and over the course of 6th and 7th grade I moved into high school advanced applied math classes (trig and pre-calculus) and I did high school biology. I remember 6th grade with biology, my lab partner was a 10th grade boy with Tourette's. I was the only one who wasn't bothered by his tics, and we worked well together. I did dissections and such, and he did all the lab sheet writing to record the information in labs. It was a great time for me, and I was devastated when my father got custody of me again right before I started 8th grade and learned that I would be attending a public school again. Thankfully, it was a district I had never been in before and they had a wonderful gifted program and pull-out services for anyone who needs them for any reason. My tutor in school the last 5 years of my education was wonderful, and she helped me to gain a lot of confidence with being back in a public school environment. I didn't apply myself as much as I could have, but still graduated in the top half of my class. I didn't have many friends either, as my previous experience in public school had led me to protect myself by withdrawing completely. I shied away from everyone, opting to just focus on my schoolwork and immersing myself in my music. I did it for my own protection, as I was not about to let anyone else close enough to me to cause me the tormet I went through in elementary school.
I swore that I would never let any children I had go through what I did, and when I met my aunt and uncle at 18 I was introduced to homeschooling. I thought it was interesting, parents teaching their own kids, so I looked into it during my pregnancy with Missa. By the time she was born, I was convinced and knew my kids would be homeschooled. I then started working on Scott about this, as he had an acceptably decent experience in school. I don't know if he knows much of what I went through in school myself, but he agreed to take it a year at a time at first and see where it went. Preschool went fairly well, although I doubted my ability to do it so I enrolled Missa in the school Scott attended when he was in school (that's where we lived, he grew up at the address we lived for the first 6 years we were together). Just 3 weeks before school started, we moved to a different city. The school district we moved to is the one I was in the second half of my 2nd grade year. We opted not to enroll Missa in school, but to homeschool her instead. We felt it would be too much change for her on top of moving to a new city and no longer having her own bedroom.
The first half of her K year went pretty well at home, but it was stressful for me. I was trying to do too much, this I know now. So, in January at the start of 2nd semester she was enrolled in the local school to finish the year. I felt like a failure to her, every day was a struggle to get her to school and I had to deal with tantrums every time. She didn't do well in school, and quickly became withdrawn and lost all confidence in herself. We decided to pull her out at the end of the school year, and go back to teaching her ourselves. In a moment of insecurity, we decided to go with Ohio Virtual Academy to help us build our confidence and develop the consistency we needed for schooling. We had a great year in K and 1st grade with Missa and Liddy with OHVA. It helped us to build our confidence and develop a routine for consistency.
We had only planned to do OHVA for that year, but we felt that since it had gone so well we wanted to try a second year with them. That lasted about 6 weeks before we withdrew from the school to strike out on our own. The pace just was too much with our family dynamic and lifestyle, we needed more flexibility than what the school could offer us. So we bought our curriculum and went for it.
I still have a lot of doubts, and wonder if I can pull this off. But honestly, right now my girls are creating stuff with play dough together, playing nicely and having a great time. They are having no problems sharing or taking turns with certain colors and tools. Even my 3 year old is doing well with that. We are reading books together as a family on a daily basis, and that desire to learn has returned to Missa. Sometimes Liddy says she wants to go to public school, but Missa insists that she never wants to go back there. I have considered sending Liddy and Kimi next school year, since both are ahead of the curriculum in our local schools, so they can see what it is all about, but I know that Missa is perfectly content to never go back to public school.
Our journey to homeschooling has been a complicated one, full of a lot of pain and emotional turmoil. It is not something that we decided on lightly, and I suspect still that Scott is not truly on board with the idea of it. He asked me at lunch today what the girls were doing, and when I told him they were enjoying the play dough he asked me what educational purpose it served so I had to break it down (with the motor delays in our home, the motor development that sculpting gives is a wonderful thing, and it serves double duty by providing them with an artistic outlet and working on the skills of playing together, sharing, and taking turns nicely with limited supplies of certain things). But I can honestly say that at the end of the day, I can't imagine ever sending my girls happily off to the public schools where we live for any reason as long as I am able to teach them myself. The social drawbacks of the local schools are just great for me to willingly do it.
(disclaimer: I know that my personal experience in public school for the 3 1/2 years that I was tormented so much are not typical experiences that children have. I realize that my experience was unusual and that my difficult home life at the same time did not help things any, and that I may have a slightly skewed view of what happened to me growing up. I have many repressed memories that I am working to unlock now, the majority of what I know of my own childhood comes from what I was told by others, and from reading paperwork recoding events. I also know that many children who experience what I tell of my own time in school are the ones who either commit suicide, like I attempted to do, or they take an automatic weapon to school and open fire on everyone in sight. Please take my experience to heart and share it with your children if they are in school, and pass it to everyone you know who has children in school or works with public and private school children. Don't let this continue, I am almost 29 years old. This is NOT a new problem in schools, and will not go away unless we as adults step in and do something drastic by getting the word out there!)
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