I've not posted here in a while, but that is because many things have changed. First, we are no longer homeschooling all our children. Only our oldest continues to learn at home because of her learning difficulties, and we are NOT using a virtual academy. She is doing 8th grade this year, and will be doing a second year of 8th grade in the fall. We are about a year from pre-algebra and still working on basic English concepts to prepare for high school level material, so she is not ready for the status of high school officially at this point. That may change at some point during next school year while we do that second year of 8th grade, but she's completely good with the decision to not proceed into high school at this point. Second change, we had a seventh child in December 2015. Turned out he has Down Syndrome. If you follow me on social media, you have seen me post about Billy and his progress. We have been very blessed with him even if he wasn't even close to planned, and his DS was missed at further testing after initial screening came back with elevated odds of it. He is our delight and joy, and our little boy. That is all that matters. Now on to the point of this post.
I've gotten deeply involved in social media the last few years, and have found that it has taken quite a toll on me in many ways. I've been spending less time doing the things I love, and I've met a lot of amazing people. However, I've also been immersed in a lot of information at the same time. You get conflicting reports on everything, from politics to parenting to even whether the Earth is round, flat, or a dome. If you want to know about essential oils, you can get a million views on social media and lots of memes and links to articles supporting every view. If you are looking for supplements and diet ideas, look no further than social media. There are even groups dedicated to any topic you can imagine. It can really suck the life from a person if they allow it.
I have allowed that to happen, at the expense of my family and my sanity.
Politically, this has been quite possibly the most controversial election in US history. I've let my emotions and my family be affected by things that are happening. I've watched as the nation has chosen leadership that is destroying the middle class and trampling on the lower class, all while claiming they are going to make America great again. I've had to sit and read about legislation that is going to strip health insurance from part of my family, possibly cut WIC benefits that we receive, and cause only goodness knows what other damage will come from it. I've watched people singing the praises of our leaders as they move to slowly dismantle the department of education and wonder myself how it will change the education my special education students get at school. Will I have health insurance in a year to cover my medications that total about $300 a month without the Medicaid that we get from the ACA expansion? Will Billy be able to get the therapies he has and will need in the future, and be able to continue to see his doctors? Will Nathaniel and Preston get the speech and sensory support services they need at school as written in their IEPs? Will Lydia be able to continue with her counseling and all her allergy medications that she needs to function safely? The questions continue, and the fear builds every time I log on social media and see new articles ans posts from my friends about things. Then I read and research these things, and the fear continues to grow as conflicting information emerges and there is no clear answer to what is going to happen. I bottle that fear up as long as I can, and then it lets loose and takes over for a while.
That takeover happened again today. I'm angry and disgusted at the current administration and new legislation that is being pushed through, and angry because people are supporting it and singing the praises of the administration. I'm watching my family slowly be destroyed a little at a time, and there is nothing I can do about it. If all these things happen as legislated, over the next couple years I don't know what is to happen to my family as we slowly lose every safeguard and buffer we have. We depend on that assistance we get while Scott works full time and is in college full time. He has 2 more semesters of classes after this one to get his 2 year degree, and is currently looking at 4 year colleges to transfer to. He will be the only one of his siblings to have a college degree (I think, he is the youngest of 10 and I have trouble keeping track of them all sometimes) and he's worked so hard for so long to try and put us into a better place. He even changed jobs to better support us, working third shift on an odd schedule that fits with therapy schedules and doctor appointments and all that I have to do daily. He is slowly breaking his body down to nothing at this new job because it better fits the needs of our family's schedule at this point. It pays less than his old job, but we are making it work. There are so many unknowns about the future, especially when we add Billy to things. I don't know whether to laugh, scream, cry, be happy, be angry, or just say heck with it all and just give up.
Social media has brought an ugly future to my home, one that I would be happily oblivious to if I wasn't on these sites. I didn't regularly watch the news or read news sources until I got into Facebook. Then I started watching and following things more and more. I've seen the good, the bad, and the ridiculous all over. I can't keep living with that. I already am on two anxiety medications just to function without the added stress of seeing the things that I read and research thanks to social media. I need to step away from it all, and I'm doing just that.
I have deleted all social media apps on my phone. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all gone. Facebook messenger is gone as well. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to be deactivating my accounts, but we will see. My heart and soul are hurting so much at the things I see and the path that things are going down. Knowing how powerless I am to stop it, it angers me. I need to step away. This isn't because I've hurt others with my words, because I don't really care if I hurt people. If the shoe fits when I say something, then maybe you need to step back and evaluate things and decide for yourself. If you are hurt by my statements on something, you need to look at why it hurt you and if you need to fix something. However, if there is nothing to fix then you can be assured that my words are most likely not directed at you.
Now, I need to get back to what used to motivate me and fuel my life. My family. I need to return my focus on them first and foremost. If I do keep my Facebook account open, it will be purely to post updates on Billy's page. I have not decided on that yet, and quite honestly if I do close my account I can still get on Scott's account to update Billy's page since he is also an admin on it.
Consider this my farewell to social media, outside of blogging here once in a while. I may pick this blog up again and post once in a while, especially as I build my portfolio as a writer. I may abandon things completely and just focus on my home and family. I have enough therapies and doctor appointments and outside commitments (such as Lydia in 4H band this year) to keep me busy enough anyway.
